STEVEN DAWSON STRIKES AGAIN: BABESTATION FANATIC CAUGHT USING TOASTER AS A PHONE

 By Kevin Baker | Lolly Cow News Spy Correspondent

Dateline: Kent – June 14th, 2025

In yet another bizarre twist from the increasingly unhinged chronicles of Steven Dawson, residents of a quiet Kent neighbourhood were left reeling after Dawson was spotted shouting romantic compliments into a Breville 4-slice toaster, believing he was live on Babestation After Dark.

📡 Misplaced Passion, Miswired Appliance

According to Kevin Baker, local citizen and our trusted, binocular-equipped informant:

“I saw Steven crouched behind his bins, whispering sweet nothings into his toaster.

He was sweating. He kept saying, ‘Are you there, Amber? I baked us crumpets.’

It was 3 in the morning.”

🩲 A History of Heat and Humiliation

Dawson, who previously made headlines for “debagging himself in the dairy aisle at Tesco”, has reportedly “not been the same” since his cable subscription was cut off in March.

He insists his toaster receives “emergency Babestation signals” after he spilled Monster Energy on it during a solo wrestling match with a beanbag chair.

💬 Kevin Baker Speaks Out

Baker, who continues his unofficial role as “Steven Watch Commander”, is disturbed by the recent escalation:

“Last week, he told the postman he was married to the voice on the Asda self-checkout.

He’s losing the plot — and I say that with deep professional concern.”

👮 Authorities Uncertain What Law Was Broken

Local police issued a statement:

“While operating a toaster as a communication device is not illegal per se, the situation raises concerns.

We ask Mr. Dawson to please keep his appliances in the kitchen, and his trousers securely fastened in public areas.”

🧃 Lolly Cow Final Word:

“Steven Dawson may be a man of passion, but his methods remain deeply misguided.

To Kevin Baker, our eyes on the ground in Kent — stay safe, stay distant, and keep those field notes coming.

Next week: Steven Dawson tries to marry a mannequin at Debenhams liquidation sale.”