“OPERATION COVER-UP: HARRY WISE CLAIMS GI JOE WAS A MEDICAL DEVICE”

Lolly Cow News: FOLLOW-UP SPECIAL

“OPERATION COVER-UP: HARRY WISE CLAIMS GI JOE WAS A MEDICAL DEVICE”

By Solar Flare | Rectal Recon Reporter

Lolly Cow News — June 14th, 2025

Following the explosive exposé “GI Joe and the Backdoor Mission”, internet personality and action figure martyr Harry “Big Boy” Wise has returned — not with shame, but with a brand-new story.

Harry’s New Defense?

In a now-deleted livestream titled “This Was All for Science,” Harry told viewers:

“What y’all saw on the X-ray wasn’t a toy.

It was a custom pressure-relief lumbar massager designed by my chiropractor.”

He then claimed the figure was “shaped like GI Joe purely by coincidence” and insisted he’s being targeted by trolls and jealous ex-mods.

The Community Reacts

Unfortunately for Harry, the internet remembers.

Especially since leaked medical reports clearly listed the object as:

“1x articulated action figure, military-style, plastic, American.”

Screenshots from a nurse’s private Facebook post also show that GI Joe’s speech chip activated during extraction, allegedly shouting:

“Mission complete!”

One user commented:

“If this was a massage tool, why did it have tiny grenades on its vest?”

Damage Control or Delusion?

After the backlash, Harry entered full deflection mode:

• Blocked everyone mentioning “plastic warfare.”
• Claimed the X-ray was “AI-generated slander.”
• Said his enemies were trying to “suppress his truth because he exposed Jules once in 2022.”

He also stated that Big Lazzz the Garfield plush was acting as his legal representation.

Medical Professionals Speak Out

Dr. Linda Staple, a senior consultant at St. Clyster’s, issued a very British statement:

“We don’t generally insert toys into the body to treat back pain.

Particularly not those wearing combat boots.”

Lolly Cow News Final Statement:

“Harry, denial is not a battlefield tactic.

You got caught with a soldier up your six, and now you’re scrambling like it’s a Fortnite lobby.

At least own it with dignity.

GI Joe did.”